Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
