so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
