Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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