so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
