Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
