ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
