he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
