Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
