Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
