fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
