Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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