I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
