I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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