Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
