i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
