I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
