i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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