He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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