I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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