i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
