If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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