I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
