My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
