Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
