This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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