I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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