i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
