I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
