oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
