I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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