i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
