got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
