Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
