she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
