Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
