When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
