he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
