i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
zippers are such a cool invention
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
