Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
