If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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