I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
