Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
