it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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