I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
