Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
