i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
