I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
