he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
