Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
