Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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