Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
