WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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